Planning your wedding? Amazing. But before you say “I do,” let’s talk about something just as important as the dress, the flowers and whether nan’s dog is invited. You guessed it: the things to discuss before marriage.
“So… who’s taking the bins out when you’re 80?”
Before you pick centrepieces or playlists, ask each other the stuff that actually matters. From money talks to who needs alone time and why shapewear is not a personality – these are the questions that make a strong marriage (and better photos too).
As a wedding photographer who’s spent the last decade capturing emotional vows, nervous giggles and the odd “oh no, where’s the ring?” moment – I’ve seen what makes couples glow… and what quietly simmers under the surface. It’s not just about posing pretty for the photos (though yes, we’ve got that covered too!). It’s about starting your marriage on solid ground.
Whether you’re all about spreadsheets or just hoping to make it down the aisle without tripping, having honest convos now means fewer surprises later. This list of 30 questions is here to help you and your partner feel more connected, clear, and ready to create a life you’ll both love (and remember).
Some are deep. Some are delightfully awkward. Some might spark your best late-night wine chat ever.
So grab your favourite drink, snuggle up, and let’s start asking the good stuff.
👉 P.S. If you’ve come from Instagram or TikTok – yes, this is that blog post you’ve been waiting for. Welcome!
Key Facts
Communication is everything – from how you argue to how you reconnect after.
Big dreams = big talks – discuss future plans, dream homes, kids, careers and retirement before the big day.
Body image matters – feeling good on your wedding day starts way before you step into the dress.
Your story, your rules – the best photos happen when you feel like yourself, not someone else’s Pinterest board.
Money talks aren’t romantic – but they’re essential for a happy future (and less wedding debt drama).
Emotional intimacy > physical perfection – real moments make the memories (and the magic).
Family, pets, politics and parties – everything from Christmas to who’s making tea on a Sunday needs to be discussed.
Your wedding is one day. Marriage is the rest of it. Make sure you’re ready for both.
This list of 30 questions helps you connect, laugh, plan and feel 100% ready (or at least real about it).
And yes, we’re wedding photographers – so we’ve seen it all. The love, the chaos, the magic, and the really good cake.
Why These Questions Matter (From a Wedding Photographer’s Perspective)
You might be wondering – what’s a wedding photographer doing giving relationship advice?
Here’s the thing: I don’t just show up with a camera. I spend hours with couples on one of the most emotional days of their lives. I witness the glances, the body language, the private moments when nerves kick in or when laughter breaks the tension. I see what’s real – and what’s not quite settled yet.
And I’ve learned this:
👉 The strongest photos – the ones that radiate connection, love and joy – come from couples who know each other deeply. Who’ve talked about the important stuff. Who’ve had the awkward conversations before they picked a cake flavour.
This blog post isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. About stepping into your wedding day feeling safe, seen, and sure of your person.
Because while I can pose you in great light and snap the most romantic shots ever – I can’t photoshop emotional disconnect. That’s something only you two can create together.
And if you’re still wondering if all this deep-diving chat is worth it – trust me, it is. When you’re dancing under the fairy lights or wiping tears from your cheeks mid-speech, you’ll be glad you laid this foundation.
💡 Pro Tip: These aren’t “test” questions. They’re permission slips for honesty. And yes, your answers might shift over time. That’s okay – the goal is to start the conversation.
Ready to dive into the first set of questions? Let’s go!
General Questions to Ask Before Marriage
(AKA the things to discuss before marriage before you even look at flower arches)
These aren’t the heavy finance chats or awkward “so… what about sex?” convos (we’ll get there!). This is the foundational stuff – the heart of your relationship and how you navigate life together.
Think of this as the emotional warm-up before you build your shared future. And as someone who’s photographed hundreds of weddings, I can tell you: the couples who’ve had these chats? They’re the ones that glow.
Here are some questions to get you started:
1. Why do you want to get married?
Not to be dramatic, but this might be the question. What does marriage mean to you both? Is it about stability, family, spiritual values, or something else entirely?
2. How do you handle disagreements?
Do you retreat, explode, need time to process, or want to talk it out right away? Knowing your conflict style (and theirs) helps prevent drama on the big day – and long after.
3. Are you influenced by your parents’ marriage?
We all bring history to the table. What did you learn from the relationships you grew up around – and what do you want to do differently?
4. What kind of wedding do you really want?
Not just castle or barn. Do you want to be surrounded by a hundred guests or keep it small and intimate? Do you want the traditions, or would you rather have dogs instead of bridesmaids?
5. What will you do with your last names?
Keep them, blend them, flip a coin, invent something new? There’s no right answer – just one that feels right for you.
6. How much alone time do you need?
Introverts, unite (separately, in your own rooms)! Seriously though, knowing how you both recharge is key to avoiding future misunderstandings.
7. What are your non-negotiables?
From monthly girls’ trips to Sunday roasts with your nan – what are the things that matter most to you?
8. What is a deal-breaker for you?
These might be tough to say out loud, but they matter. Be honest – and listen with love.
💬 REAL TALK FROM THE AISLE:
You don’t need to have every answer perfectly worked out. But you do need to feel safe bringing them up.
And once you’ve got these general topics down, you’re ready for the deeper dives – money, sex, lifestyle, and all the good, honest grown-up stuff that builds a rock-solid marriage.
Financial Questions to Ask Before Marriage
(Because money issues are the romance killers no one puts in a romcom)
It might not be the sexiest topic, but money is one of the most important things to discuss before marriage. Why? Because shared goals, financial transparency, and realistic expectations are the foundation of a strong partnership (and a peaceful wedding planning process, trust me).
As your wedding photographer, I’ve seen couples stress over chair covers while ignoring the budget elephant in the room. So before you spend £4,000 on flowers, have these chats:
9. What are your finances really like?
Let’s be honest – got a credit card that’s more “ouch” than “ouchless”? Be upfront. Honesty now prevents surprises later.
10. Do you prefer to spend or save?
Are you a ‘treat yourself’ type or a ‘do we need oat milk this week?’ person? Knowing each other’s money mindset helps avoid future clashes.
11. How will you split your finances?
50/50? Proportionate to income? One pot or two accounts? There’s no single solution – just the one that fits you both.
12. What do you want to save up for?
Big wedding? Dream house? Dogs, holidays, a shared avocado farm in Devon? Your financial goals say a lot about your shared priorities.
13. Do you have a will?
Okay, a little morbid. But practical! If you’re planning forever, make sure it’s protected.
💬 PHOTOGRAPHER’S TIP:
When couples are aligned financially, they’re usually way less stressed on the day. You want to be crying happy tears at your wedding – not panicking about overdrafts.
Sex & Intimacy Questions to Ask Before Marriage
(Because chemistry + communication = fireworks… and not the kind that end in arguments)
Yep, this might feel a bit awkward, but out of all the things to discuss before marriage, this one’s too important to skip. You’re not just planning a wedding, you’re building a life together – one where intimacy, affection, and honesty matter.
Trust me, as someone who captures those quiet, emotional glances and just-married kisses for a living, I can tell when a couple has that connection. But it doesn’t happen by accident – it takes communication.
14. How do you feel about your sex life?
No blushes here – this is the person you’re about to marry! Are you happy, satisfied, fulfilled? Is there anything missing or anything new you’d love to try? Be open.
15. How will you handle differing sex drives?
Because let’s face it, sometimes life gets busy (hello stress, kids, 3am wake-ups). What does intimacy look like during those times, and how will you stay connected?
16. Are there boundaries or preferences we should know about?
What makes each of you feel safe, seen, and valued? Talk about consent, expectations, and anything that might feel like a grey area – now is the time to clear it up.
17. What does emotional intimacy mean to you?
Sex isn’t the only form of intimacy. Hugs, late-night chats, laughing over burnt toast – it’s all part of the connection. Figure out what keeps you both feeling close.
💬 PHOTOGRAPHER’S TIP:
The best wedding photos come when couples feel safe and loved – not just in the physical sense, but emotionally too. That intimacy? It shows in every frame.
Lifestyle Questions to Ask Before Marriage
(Because love may be blind… but someone’s still got to take the bins out.)
This section? It’s all about the everyday stuff. The real life beyond the confetti and cake-cutting. If you want a marriage that lasts longer than your wedding playlist, these are the things to talk about before saying “I do.”
18. Do you want children?
A big one. And not just a yes or no – talk about timing, values, expectations, and what if things don’t go to plan. It’s not always an easy road, so understanding each other’s dreams (and fears) is key.
19. How would you raise your children?
From sugar rules and screen time to bedtime routines and education choices – have the chat now, not during your first sleepless night with a newborn.
20. What happens if having kids isn’t straightforward?
Fertility, IVF, adoption, fostering, surrogacy – talk through how you feel about these options and how you’d support each other through tough decisions.
21. What does religion mean to you?
Whether you’re both religious, neither of you are, or you’re in different camps – how will it influence your life together? What about holidays, ceremonies, or raising children?
22. Where do you want to live?
City lights or countryside calm? Forever where you are now or dreaming of a fresh start? Align your long-term lifestyle goals – before you invest in matching wellies and a city gym membership.
23. What does your dream house look like?
It’s not about the Pinterest boards (okay, maybe a little) – but it is about whether you’re visualising the same kind of future. Open-plan kitchen or cottage garden vibes?
24. How will you split the chores?
Yep. The mundane matters. Agreeing on who’s on dishwasher duty might just save your marriage more than any couple’s therapy.
25. What do celebrations look like for you?
Birthdays, Christmas, Diwali, or New Year’s Eve – are you party-central or cosy-night-in types? Do you like making a big deal of things or prefer low-key and personal?
26. What’s your dream holiday?
Poolside mojito or mountain hiking with a backpack? You’ll thank yourselves later for talking about this before booking two very different honeymoons.
27. How important is your career?
Work-life balance means different things to different people. Discuss job goals, future plans, and how you’ll support each other when life/work priorities shift.
28. How do you feel about pets?
It might seem small now, but if one of you dreams of a dog and the other is allergic to commitment (or fur), it’s worth a discussion.
29. What does your retirement look like?
Sailing into the sunset or growing tomatoes and walking the dog? Maybe both. But knowing what you’re working towards matters just as much as what you’re building now.
30. What Does ‘Showing Up’ Look Like to You in a Marriage?
Everyone has a different way of being present in a relationship – for some, it’s small daily gestures; for others, it’s emotional availability or reliability in hard times. Talk about what you need from each other when life gets messy, boring, or overwhelming. Do you want check-in chats? Shared rituals? Space? Support looks different for every couple, so get clear on what “being there” actually means to you both.
💬 PHOTOGRAPHER’S TIP:
The best marriages aren’t made of big gestures – they’re built from shared Sunday mornings, spontaneous adventures, and a willingness to laugh through the laundry pile. And yes… that joy shines in every candid frame.
Five Things to Know Before You Say “I Do”
(Spoiler: it’s not just about the napkin colours.)
After all the questions, chats, laughs and possibly a few awkward silences, what really matters is how you show up for each other – every day, not just on the big one. So here’s what we’ve learned from photographing hundreds of weddings (and even more love stories):
1. You’re marrying a person – and their people
It’s not just two hearts joining – it’s two families, two sets of traditions, two ways of doing birthdays. The wedding might be about you, but marriage includes the whole crew. Be ready for those Sunday roasts with in-laws (and the opinions that come with them).
2. Intimacy is about more than sex
We’re talking next-level closeness: nursing each other through flu, knowing their coffee order by heart, finishing each other’s rants. This is the stuff of real, messy, unfiltered love. And yes, it makes for the most powerful photos.
3. You’ll grow – together and separately
The version of you saying “I do” will evolve. So will they. That’s not a threat – it’s a gift. Marriage means making space for each other’s growth while still dancing in sync.
4. Sometimes you’ll need to change
Not for them. With them. Life will throw curveballs – jobs, kids, grief, joy, dreams that shift shape. Flexibility, patience and humour will be your greatest tools. (That, and a shared Netflix password.)
5. The wedding is one day. The marriage is the adventure.
We love weddings (obviously). But we adore what comes after even more. Make your day a beautiful celebration – and your life together the masterpiece.
💬 Photographer’s final note:
As wedding photographers, we see it all. The nerves. The joy. The quiet glances that say everything. We know the wedding day is just the start – and we’re here to help you honour it in the most beautiful, authentic way possible.
📸 So if you’re planning your wedding and looking for photos that feel as real as your love story…
👉 [Get in touch with us here] – we’d love to hear all about your day.
